Chuck norris, the one the onely...

[christian-bp]

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.

6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.

9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people

14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

[Gæst]

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.


Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.


When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.


There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.


Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.


Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.


Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.


When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.


Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.



http://chucknorrisfacts.com
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